Abrasive Cleaning Agents
by Jack of All Suits
Summary: This was her life. Missing dinner, dates, and work to sit down and watch two adults revert to seven year olds on a playground.


**Short blurb on a movie I just watched. Not... really sure where this came from xD.**

**Megamind is not mine. JSYK.

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_Here we go again_.

Leaning back in her personal kidnappee chair, Roxanne trained her face into complete disregard for the world around her as the war of the witless began yet again before her eyes. Honestly, she sometimes had to wonder why they all even did this when _no one _took it seriously anymore. Metro Man knew Megamind wasn't about to actually hurt her – that was a given after he'd burst in while the three of them were sharing hot chocolate. Megamind knew Metro Man was going to win – it was, it seemed, his favorite part of each plan. She knew they were both idiots, even if one of them _did _have an incalculable IQ that he liked bragging about.

And yet here they were again, like a little secret club. Meetings on Wednesdays at four sharp. She went to work early on Wednesdays, because she knew (and her boss knew) that she was never going to be there for the last hour. Sometimes, when she was feeling particularly nasty – something which had to come from hanging out with a supervillain more than her _actual _friends – she might shake things up and find somewhere to hide. Once, much to her personal amusement, she had been found in an abandoned cellar by both Metro Man _and _Megamind, whilst they bickered over who was supposed to be finding whom.

Today she had come quietly. Work had been a bust; her new cameraman, Harry, or Hal, or Albert or whatever his name was, had succeeded within ten minutes of giving her unnerving 'creepy' vibes that Megamind still hadn't achieved. After spending the day thwarting his weird little advances and hiding in the lady's room, Roxanne might have skipped the knock-out spray and jumped into the sometimes-but-usually-not-really invisible car willingly, had she not had to maintain the damsel image.

Waiting for Metroman had been dull, by her usual standards. Megamind whipped out several lasers and a dog-shaped cactus as means of threats, before things got boring and he puttered around doing last minute evil lair tasks to make the place look 'horrifically terrifying'. Between watching him performing acrobatics to add cobwebs to the corners of the room (and coming dangerously close to laughing when he fell seven feet and flailed), and playing Tic-Tac-Toe with Minion, time passed slowly.

When the man of the hour arrived, Roxanne was scratching Sparky the Brainbot under his – its… she rathered 'his' – chin. The little robots were probably the only things Megamind had at his disposal that she found genuinely interesting; they each had subtle but individual personalities, sending home the message that the short, frail-looking alien loafing around like a caffeinated mouse had _actually _managed to create artificial intelligence.

At the loud, ceiling-crumbling entrance, Roxanne continued to pet Sparky, the chains keeping her in place rattling against the chair while he purred as well as a brainbot could. She knew for a fact that the day wasn't done yet.

"Ah _hah!_ So, you found my secret lair, _Metro _Man… well, I'm afraid it won't do you any good!" Megamind cackled maniacally, whipping around dramatically to take advantage of his cape, which snapped at the movement. "You see, while you were out _rescuing _the poor citizens of Metrocity, _I _have been hard at work chipping away at the foundations of your so-called _justice_!"

"Justice is unchippable, Megamind. It's a diamond and evil is coal!" Metro Man countered, taking his hero pose with his fists propped on his hips. Roxanne mused that he should carry a portable fan with him, to get the cape-in-the-wind effect.

"With sufficient pressure, the coal of evil shall become an even harder _dee-amond!_"

"It's a _diamond_, and evil's imperfections would make it worthless!"

"Unless it is used to make a drill to destroy the center of good!"

"Good _has _no center! It's all-encompassing!"

It was then that Roxanne noticed it. Metro Man's lips were starting to shake, however hard he pressed them together. For a split second she was worried that he was going to _cry_ or something, but upon closer inspection she noticed that the corners of his mouth were curling up.

"…convection oven of good!"

"But a _convec-teon_ oven is useless if the fans have been broken by _evil_!"

"Evil shall _never _break the fans of goodness!"

"Unless the _convec-teon_ oven of good has faulty manufacturing!"

"Justice has a lifetime guarantee!"

"Lifetime guarantees are _useless_ if justice has been improperly maintained by the owner!"

"The ovens of justice are well maintained!"

"Unless you use the wrong cleaning substances!"

"You know oven cleaner is clearly marked, you fiend!"

"Oh-ho_ho_! But _evil _could switch the labels!"

"Justice shall not fall due to evil's reprehensible in-store behavior!"

"Unless justice uses an abrasive cl-cl-cleeheehee!"

Now she whipped her head towards Megamind, who had his hands clapped over his mouth in apparent horror. Metro Man gave a tremendous guffaw of triumph and pointed at his blue rival dramatically. "A_hah_! I win! Now release Miss Ritchi!"

"Whoa… wait _what_?" Roxanne barked in disbelief, bring up her hands. "You're joking, right?"

Metro Man stared at her in confusion. "What do you mean, _what_? I won. Now you're saved." Megamind, looking somewhat sheepish, shrugged and waved for Minion to release her manacles.

"You mean… I've been wasting my _whole _afternoon here… when I could have been taking a bath or actually _doing _something with my life… so you two could have a _giggling contest_?" She couldn't help that her voice had risen to an indignant shriek, and both Metro Man and Megamind flinched away. "I don't _believe _this! I have to report on this tomorrow, you know. What am I supposed to say? You guys didn't _really _give me much material here! 'Oh well Megamind lost because he started giggling when he talked about _abrasive cleaners_'!" She stood up when Minion released her, and Sparky blarged at her and floated away.

"Roxie? Where're you going?"

"Home. I am going to go get the bus like a _normal _person and go home. You girls have fun without me." She waved over her shoulder.

As she walked away, she could almost hear the awkwardness building in the room she had left as she continued striding through the warehouse irritably. "So…" She heard Metro Man saying as she reached the door. "I'll just… take you to prison now."

Outside, Roxanne was relieved to see the sun was still up. At least she hadn't killed an _entire _day of her life. As she walked, she saw a white form swoop by, carting a dejected black frame by the collar. At the last second, Metro man glanced back and raised a hand; a moment later, Megamind drearily waved as well.

Glancing cautiously behind her as she waited at the bus stop, Roxanne finally felt like it was all clear to start laughing hysterically to herself.

This was her life. Missing dinner, and dates, and work, to sit down and watch two adults revert to seven year olds on a playground. It should have gotten old a long time ago. She should have been sick of it.

Instead, she continued to laugh, wiping her eyes from time to time. It was her life, alright, and oddly enough she _loved _it.


End file.
